


Returner

by midnightplanets



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mother-Son Relationship, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 22:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6677455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightplanets/pseuds/midnightplanets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has been abandoned and betrayed by the Supreme Leader and Knights of Ren, and faces his imminent death. </p><p>In his final moments, he reaches out to the one person who can still hear him, even across the Galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Returner

“You’ve fallen out of favor with Supreme Leader,” the black clad knight announced, licking his lips and stamping his metallic boots on the loose dirt like an impatient beast.

Kylo Ren faced the knight, the torched village behind him backlighting his profile like an angry red glow as he tilted his helmeted visage in disbelief. The elimination of the jedi, that was his job as the Master of the Knights of Ren, and that’s why he had been sent to this planet and destroyed the village in question. However, if he was hearing correctly, Supreme Leader Snoke may have had ulterior motives in sending him to this backwater planet in the outer rim, isolated from the rest of the First Order.

Behind the first knight, five other forms emerged from the shadows of the forest surrounding the village. Kylo could hear the crunching of heavy boots on dead foliage, feel the familiar force signatures of the comrades he rarely saw. The knights usually worked alone, so he knew as soon as he saw them all together that something big had happened, something he had been kept in the dark about.

“Supreme Leader sent you here to deal with me?” Kylo asked incredulously, his voice undulating in a deep guttural rasp through his helmet.

“A challenge,” spoke the one they called the monk, “It is no secret that you were the most skilled of the Knights of Ren but your decision making skills have been called in to question ever since Starkiller and we’ve been offered the chance to replace you as Master should one of us defeat you in battle.”

Kylo sneered under his helmet. “One of you? I doubt you’ll be as courteous as to allow me a one on one duel with each of you to determine who is the strongest.”

“Of course not,” the monk said with a smile, “Since when have we ever had any form of restraint in our battles?”

And with that, the six shadows converged in a circle around Kylo Ren, weapons raised, eyes and masks glinting with the firelight of the burning village behind them. Kylo snarled, and activated his lightsaber as he lunged toward his attackers.

 

 

Five bloody shadows lay on the ground around them.

Kylo Ren was pinned down on the rocky soil by a heavy metallic boot which lay on his chest. Breathing heavily, he reached out to clutch the lightsaber that had hit the ground shortly before he did. As his hand made contact with the cold metal hilt, the boot came down on his chest with a sickening crunch and he screamed in pain. But before the offending blaster could lower to his face and the hand pull the trigger, his attacker was speared though the neck with the crossguard lightsaber, hurled with the force and hitting true to its target. The knight of Ren wobbled as blood spurted out of his neck, clutching fruitlessly at the artery pumping his life force out of his body. He weakened, fell to his knees, then down to the ground to join the other five shadows.

Six shadows, motionless on the ground. The seventh, gasping in pain.

Kylo struggled to prop himself up on his elbows, frantically scanning the horizon for any other attackers Snoke may have sent to ensure his demise. Not sensing any other lifeforms approaching, he slumped back down on the ground, gasping for air. He felt a sharp pain everytime he drew breath, breaths that were coming in short and fast and shallow.

 _I can’t breathe…_ he realized, not for the first time in his life. But this time there was no one coming for him. No one to save him. Snoke had abandoned him. He had been left to die, no longer valuable, no longer considered trustworthy enough to be an asset. An asset, that’s all he had been all these years and he knew it, and wondered why his vision had been so myopic all those years to have not noticed until it was past the point of no return. Too late.

Now faced with his impending death, staring at the cold dark sky, numberless stars dotting his vision, Kylo felt a frantic emptiness that threatened to seize him. He felt tears sting his eyes. _Is this how I go?_ _One of the most powerful force users in the galaxy, to die alone and unnoticed? This isn’t right. Where did I go wrong?_ But he knew what went wrong. He had lost himself to the struggle, the battle of dark and light over his body and mind. He tried too hard to be one or the other and in the end was neither, was found out to be a fraud, was cast out and rejected like a defective droid.

He closed his eyes, still heaving, the tightness in his chest squeezing him like a constrictor snake, like a pain of big furry arms, a hug too tight and too hard for his small body –

_The sound of Han Solo’s laughter and worried shouts “Hey Chewie, careful not to snap my son in half!”_

_Chewie’s groan of retaliation. Ben’s own high pitched voice, giggling while rubbing his sore ribcage, “It’s ok dad, a jedi has to be tough, I have to learn to at least tolerate wookiee hugs!”_

_Leia’s smile in the distance, eyes looking towards him lovingly but with a tinge of sadness, arms crossed over her body, he could sense her feelings of warmth and support, that she was so proud but she would miss him –_

Kylo’s head swam as he continued to struggle for air. He had no idea how much longer he had left. The tears flowed freely from his eyes.

“Mom,” he croaked, his voice barely a whisper in the night air. He reached out for her through the force, searching for the force signature he had tried so hard to run away from all these years.

“Mom, I’m sorry,” he said at last, a final confession once he found her, felt her unmistakable warmth, stubbornness, and hidden but ever present sadness. He felt her surprise, a wave of nostalgia and pain that opened up in her like an old wound. _Ben,_ he heard her whisper, muted in his mind as if underwater. _Ben!_ He heard her scream in increasing alarm.

His mind felt waterlogged but she swam into his vision as if under the ripples of a pool, her face aged and hair streaked with grey but the same firm set of her lips and commanding, piercing eyes. They narrowed as they focused on him. Her mouth parted and eyes darted back and forth. Kylo felt a stab of pain in his abdomen, he couldn’t tell if it was from his body going into it’s death throes or the mental anguish of seeing his mother again and realizing how stupid he was to have avoided her for all these years, how cruel he was to cause her pain. He choked back on a sob and relinquished his grasp on the force, bracing himself for the cold impact of loneliness that would come after he cut off their connection.

But it never came. She reached out to him now, cradling his head in a soft and warm embrace that didn’t allow him to hit the harsh edge of his loneliness and despair. “Ben, you’re barely breathing,” she said urgently, “your heart is racing, tell me where you are, I’m coming for you.”

Absently, Kylo recalled the coordinates he had tapped into the navicomputer as he left on this mission, his final mission, a trap. He felt her withdraw slightly as she barked out orders to hazy faces, rushed to the hangar to procure a transport shuttle. His head lolled from side to side as his dizziness took over. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He shouldn’t believe it.

 _I don’t deserve this_ he thought as he cried, his body emptying itself of much needed air and moisture, and felt the warm reassurance of his mother, like a silver ray of moonlight, a hand resting on his forehead, “Ben, don’t cry, save your strength, stay calm, we’re coming. Breathe, slow and easy.”

He struggled to follow her orders, breathing slowly and shakily, though the pain radiated through his torso every time he did so. He remembered her comforting him when he was sick as a small child, her arms around him as he cried from being in pain. Kisses to the top of his head in his messy curly hair.

“Ben, stay awake, hold on to my voice.” She pleaded. _I am,_ he responded, and felt her lighten up at those words, not quite relief yet, just hope.

“Ben, do you remember,” she went on, her voice growing softer and more pained, vulnerable, “when you finally grew taller than me and I would come home from my trips and you would give me these hugs where you would lift me off my feet?”

He nodded, eyes and nose stinging from crying extensively now.

“When you come back with me, and when you get better, I want you to give me one of those hugs again,” she said, and he could tell she was smiling and that her eyes were filling with tears. “I missed you so much Ben. I know things aren’t going to be easy between us, but we're all each other has of a family now. I love you Ben, I always have and I promise that will never change. Will you promise me? Promise me you’ll come back with me and we’ll try to make things right? We’ll start over again.”

 _You don’t know how desperately I want that,_ he thought, but before he could say any more, coughs took over and his body was seized again with pain and tightness. He felt blood pool out under his body, warm and sticky and metallic to smell. He felt Leia respond with alarm and firmness as she urged her pilot to increase their speed. His world tilted violently as he fell into an all-consuming darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by Gackt's song "Returner."  
> I enjoy angst way too much. (Especially when it's about the tragic Skywalker family)  
> I may or may not continue with this 'verse?  
> (In my mind Kylo does not die, but that is up for interpretation.)  
> Hope you enjoy, every kudo and comment is appreciated :)


End file.
